I don't know for how long I can hold my silence, but I am pretty sure that I'm doing the right thing. This is not retreat. This is not surrender. I'm simply not doing this battle. It's not worth it. I'm starting to love the person I am now, the one I once lost, and I believe that I have been smithed to perfection with fire and those unforgiving months (and years) in the embers. God has been so good and I know for sure that I will be all right. ...that while I was reading my pevious blogposts here in Multiply, eh natutuwa ako sa sarili ko. Sobra! I was so myself that I can even hear myself talking (well, ako kasi yun), that bitchy personality and stuff, and I was so damn expressive. Nakakamiss! I mean, I would write about stuff that irked me, made me happy, or just mumblings on life in general as I was looking at the world with wide-eyed wonder. Ang saya lang. :) I wish I am as articulate as before, no holds barred on what I really wanted to say, to write my realizations at the end of every post hence making me a better person. Pero siguro ganito lang talaga pag tumatanda. There are many things that I'd rather keep to myself than share it to the world. There are relationships that I want to keep, situations that I don't want to compromise. Work and other things are getting the best of me, thus pocketing these thoughts that could have made a difference if not for my life but to others at least.
Pero... ewan. Kung nagawa ko nga noon, bakit hindi ko gawin ngayon? The readership in Multiply has gone below sea level, or so I thought, which has discouraged me to go on further. Blame Facebook and Twitter. However, might as well enjoy the unexpected exclusivity para naman yung mga nakakabasa, masasabing nag-eeffort silang magbukas ng Multiply account nila (or basahin ang mga post through Yahoo!Mail.) These are some of the reasons why I can't completely abandon this blog. Life was here, and I can play "God" by reviving it. I guess it’s about starting fresh that makes me want to blog again. I’ve almost abandoned writing after getting traumatized by several things –my first job, bad romance, lack of inspiration, etc. Reading paperbacks consumed a good deal of my time but didn’t get me back to writing. “Have I totally lost it?” I asked myself. Finding the answers is like getting kicked in the gut because of sheer pessimism like “Yeah, Sarah, everything you tried to make yourself learn in college is totally gone, and pushing yourself hard to be a reporter actually screwed everything!”
Well, let’s see.
This is actually my third attempt to write my first entry of the year. I must admit I got carried away by what other bloggers are doing –making their declaration of change and enumerating the highlights of the previous year. I don’t find anything wrong in jumping into this bandwagon as long as the trend serves me well. As I was writing the botched entries, I noticed that I kept on writing the same stuff no matter how many times I rehashed it. I kept on enumerating my achievements as if I conquered the world –accolades, accolades, and more accolades. Narcissism never finished anything.
So here I am, stripped naked of pomp and drama. The past still haunts me, yes, and there are still recurring flashbacks. But I will promise myself one thing: never let the past dictate my future. I have proved in my college days that I can do something if I aspire and work hard enough. I have big dreams, and while they are there, I will keep going.
With this, I have no major expectations for 2011 unlike in 2010. I won’t look forward to it anymore with wide-eyed wonder. I will do myself a favor and keep things real. If life is full of surprises, better not add roses to it but sit back and enjoy the landscape.
Exhausted from last night’s event, I promised myself to rest all day and do nothing academic, Varsi-ish, and other tiresome things I do every day. I sat on the sofa this morning and my eyes scouted for something to do totally unrelated to those stuff I’ve just mentioned. Then I saw the bulk of fashion magazines stacked under the metal rack. I picked up one and Kate Winslet was on the cover. She looked fresh and gorgeous in her pink glittered gown and her old indigo backdrop was just right. It was a 2004 issue of Glamour magazine I bought in Booksale two or three years ago. My purpose was not exactly to read it but to look for photos of nice dresses, shoes, or bags so I could tear them off before disposing the magazine. I usually paste the torn pictures in a scrap book as my catharsis for all the material things I crave in life and my frustration as a glamazon. Back to the magazine, I was browsing the pages and landed on some colorful ones, tore them off, and flipped to the next. There was no cringing in the process for I have done it twice already, only that I wanted to be sure that no good stuff would go with the magazines once I throw them out. There were good stories that I couldn’t help but read again –fallen heroines in Iraq, the girl almost victimized by her Mormon pastor, the young teen molested by a family friend and so on. The do’s and don’ts page is still funny as ever, and the “Hey, it’s ok…” page lets go of every woman’s guilt. The soft porn (a.k.a. confession page) was educating and I can’t help but relate to it one way or another. It was the same thing with the rest of the magazines under the rack –celebrities I’ve never seen before, supermodels Gisele Bündchen and Kate Moss, Avon’s Jillian Dempsey (yes, McDreamy’s McWife), classic icons Greta Garbo and Bette Davis, designer Roberto Cavalli and make up pro Bobbi Brown. If not for these magazines, there’s no way I would ever come across such names in the fashion world. I’d like to deny that I was reminiscent while browsing over these magazines that I bought some years ago. Besides, what’s the internet for? It’s not like these magazines were expensive or a rare collection of sorts. These are back issues already! It won’t really hurt if I throw all of them and probably just buy more recent ones. But I can’t hide the fact that these are still magazines –a printed medium, a month’s toil of creative and smart people trying to bring out the best of their female readers. This is an industry I dream of joining someday, to be that agent who brings forward the remaining good things in this world despite the craziness that’s happening all around us. Materialism, however, remains an issue. We all know fashion magazines can be held responsible for the growing number of anorexics and insecurities among women these days. I myself once saw these magazines as printed versions of my escapist self, how I wanted to go out of this flab and be in someone else’s slimmer, smoother, and flawless frame. But it’s also wrong to view all fashion magazines like that since some, like Glamour, have women-empowering advocacies that urge women to be confident in their own skin and improve on what they have instead. That’s why they have the Hero of the Year section where they tell tales of outstanding women who push the limits and give something to the world. Mind you, these women came from all walks of life and have bulges, warts and wrinkles like we all do. But they don’t fail to inspire many of us. There are still a few left on the metal rack and probably I’ll go over them tomorrow. But for now, I might just go read some more and tear off colorful pages and photos of nice dresses, shoes and bags for my scrap book. #
it would be in the woods, partly over a waterfall!!
creditsOh yes! I want to go on a vacation already :D All these years I have allowed cowardice to penetrate my pores. Prying eyes were there to begin with, ready to arrest me upon the sight of a single flaw or inconsistency or anything incomprehensible with the way I wanted to express things. Those eyes remind me of who I am and who I should be, that once I have taken over the pen I should conform to the plethora of rules governing style, discipline, and delivery.
I said, well, this is the world I chose, and these people knew better. Given my afraid-to-be-wrong mentality, I chose to shun myself to mediocrity and spare those eyes from the sore of my ideas instead. There is a position I hold now and I don't want to be misjudged by the way I write in this space as though it is the whole part of me as a writer, a human being.
I have always secured myself in a soft spot called sensitivity, and I'm telling you it's not healthy. Criticism is never a cup of tea and though I'm trained to think that I should absorb only the good stuff, it seems that my filter has gone loose. Hence the slew of anxieties and frustrations, most of which can be read here, and the most obvious manifestation: stagnation.
I chose to be silent. But little was I aware that things were starting to well up from the bottle where I tried to keep them. So precious were those things, I realized, and it may take a while before time and universe unite for these things to happen again: "Hey, there's this guy I'm crushing on and we've been textmates for a while. He just welcomed the idea of us meeting up soon." "The food my sister and I just ate was expensively awful. The waiters of that restaurant were also quite rude."
How come I let these things pass without sharing them with the same passion that came when they happened? Lack of time? Loss of articulation and zeal to write? Scared?
I said, well, I can't go on like this forever. I'm a writer, and writing should not be burdensome. It should come as normal as breathing. It should be liberating and not prison-like. I want to be profound, to be read, to be taken seriously, to be understood.
If there's a will, there's a way.
And so I picked up the books I haven't finished reading. It was a slow reunion, one short story at a time. The pages were crisp, but the texts were just plain. Yet between those elements were pieces of a parallel universe waiting to be visited during the wee hours of the night.
Once again I became a zealous thread entangled in the mesh of imagination, one of the lively hues of the pictures painted by words of hellish good writers. I find myself closely attached to it even if it meant falling asleep in the process. I have long embraced the fact that my niche is not in creative writing, but my desire to be profound swells through it. And this I can only do through writing.
Wonderful and terrible things! These are part of my reality. There is just too much to share, too much to say. Life is too short to be kept in the bottle. Provided that in this space I can do anything, it is only fitting that I take time to at least immortalize these things into good (and bad) memories and let people learn from it. There's nothing to loose. Prying eyes will be there should I make mistakes, I know. But so be it. Not a rule provides perfection.
I want to write. Let all inspiration pour forth! Call me a late bloomer but I just got spellbound by the applications in Facebook.
Other than answering quizzes, approving invites, and dropping in comments on white bars, playing games has glued me to the most talked about social networking site! I just sank my teeth into Biotronic, Word Challenge, Who has the biggest brain?, and Wordy among many others. Never thought Facebook could be this fun! Ü
And yes, this is also where I channel every bit of negativity I have in my system (notice the slew of "monologues"?) I was emotional for the wrong reasons, at this time where I should be dead focused on my studies and 'V'. Good thing there's Facebook to "give me a lift." :D
Instead of wallowing in my frustrations, I guess I'll just count the blessings and victories that poured in the past week instead.
There's the successful and on-time release of V's first issue for this academic year, defying odds and naysayers who thought we won't make it. But folks, we're working on the second issue now :D
I'm also happy that some people liked the stories we published in the Features section, particularly the Freshmen Special. Thank you!
Oh, column! While I'm still clueless on what topic to write about (and the column name itself), I'm just thankful that finally I'm one of those people whose picture will appear on the sheets! Pardon my shallowness, but this is something that doesn't happen everyday. Haha!
I want to be happy! :D ALCANTARA - 8AM
BABIERA - 8:10
MELICOR - 8:20
PADILLA - 8:30
PEREY- 8:40
BROBO - 8:50
BARRIOS - 9 AM
QUIAMBAO - 9:10
DE LA CRUZ, AYA - 9:20
PAUYO - 9:30
DANDAN - 9:40
AGATON - 9:50
ALFONSO - 10 AM
FRANCISCO - 10: 10
RANJO - 10:20.
DE LA CRUZ, EMIL - 10:30
LIBUT - 10:40
MAGTULIS - 10:50
DIVINAGRACIA - 11 AM
PAJE - 12 PM
BANTOLO - 12:15 Happy happy joy joy.
My mom just came home after her months-and-something long sojourn in the US. My sister and I were still asleep when she barged in our room and made crazy noises just so we would wake up. True enough, her energy was sO contagious and her share of attention served, she also turned the lights on which made going back to sleep more difficult. Oh well, I missed mom. So I just dismissed the idea of catching one more dream and got out of bed instead.
There were pieces of luggage in the living room and mom opened them one by one. I helped her unpack her things like some kid opening presents on a Christmas day. There were no toys though, but 'gifts' that would knock a young woman off her feet --signature bags, perfumes, an adorable pair of black shoes, chocolates and what have you!! For a moment, mom was like Santa Clause.
Putting my materialisms aside, I asked mom how her trip went and about our relatives in the US. She showed me pictures and stretched her tales from the malls and landmarks she went to, to the big serving of restaurant foods and how the cold bites down to the bone despite summer season. But mom was still a bit exhausted to go on forever talking so she did not elaborate on more details.
I went back to opening more 'presents' and had a good stare at the items still with tag prices on most of them. At first sight they looked cheap because figures rarely amounted to a hundred. But when I had my gears working, I realized that the items were relatively expensive if to be converted to peso! Mom must have stretched her budget just to buy us all of these, I thought, and she must have been aware that she might not be able to go back there again. Who knows?
Then it started to dawn on me that I had a LOT of things to do and matters to be taken care of. Even if I bury myself on a mountain of chocolates or shower myself with signature perfumes, it wouldn't change the fact that I still had to burn hundreds of internship hours and fulfill my feature article for 'V', which by the way, worries me BIG TIME. I really don't know what to do anymore and I don't want any excuses for what I'm doing. I hope I won't be accused of "freeloading" because God knows how makulit I've been these past few days for His divine intervention.
I'm just happy that mom is finally home and my support system once again complete. Her pasalubongs bring me to Elyseum and all but my internship and Varsi duties nail me down to reality. If these things can be bargained in exchange of peace of mind, I think I can let go of my Nine West... or maybe not! Whoa. I'm posting something out of RANDOMNESS, the word I've come to hate nowadays.
The temperature is getting hotter and hotter by the minute. That is why this is the perfect time to burn lotsa calories while on a hiatus from the public sight (meaning, walang pasok). I tried getting some exercise yesterday but I couldn't seem to feel the hype of it at all. I don't know why but it just felt like I'm kicking my feet in the air for the sake of just doing it. I badly want to lose weight, but it just didn't feel right.
I told myself that I would get back on my reading this summer. But with a temperature such as this that you wanted to sleep the whole afternoon, nuh-uh. Honestly, I'm feeling quite dyslexic lately since I have to read the paragraphs twice just to follow the logic of the article. My eyes get easily tired, too. Gone are the days that I would leaf the pages with much enthusiasm and absorb everything that I could :(
I terribly miss my mom. She might be having the time of her life in the states but us here can't simply feel the 'freedom' we're supposed to have now that she is not here. For the first time, the fridge is running on empty. The food clutter on our table is rapidly getting cleaned up and the atmosphere is just not the same. No hugs, no kisses, no laughter, no high-pitched conversations on the phone, no ice cream, no pasalubong when she gets home from the mall, no one calling you up when you're coming home late, no piece of advice or sermon when you undeniably needed it most, no everything... haay :(
I'm still nervous about my OJT. Many people have been telling me that the company should call you and that, or wait for their text message should you be accepted. Haay ang labo!! And then when you call these companies they'll tell you that they have already ran out of slots for lazy balls like you and you're doomed in your practicum. Wait, am I just paranoid? This whole thing is getting sOo frustrating, ironically, because I've been looking forward to it since I stepped in my junior year. But then again, anjan na yan. I just hope that my orientation with the Times would go well and I'd be assigned to a good reporter and absorb everything that I could..
Some people just won't quit. Come on, get over it! I'm not the one who has a problem here, I'm doing well with my life. I put the past behind me and high school is something I don't want to go back to, save for the people I've forged priceless friendships with. Don't make me your flavor of the month because you won't get anything from me now that I'm starting to go inside my hellhole, ok? Go find someone else.
Oh, three days. I have no idea what's going on. I'm not the understanding type lest that I already know you (and help me understand if you may). I'm still groping in the dark and it's not that easy. I'm a girl, please keep that in mind. A little light would greatly help. But if you're the one who will teach me that patience is indeed a virtue, please make it a fruitful one.
I have to go out. The heat is killing me. colors hit me. and they said... Name: Sarah
Date: 1/28/2009
Colorgenics Number: 13542706
You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realisation of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. (here goes glacial "drought" come on!) It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will. (cool!) You are looking for something different. Your imagination has been working overtime and you are seeking adventure - and you'd like to share that adventure, the new experience, with someone like yourself: Imaginative, Enthusiastic and Sensitive. (oh brother.) Everyone has to compromise at times and circumstances are such that at this time you are feeling the need to do just that. Put all of your hopes on the back burner and let matters flow for a time - forgo some of the things you want (labo.) The good times are just around the corner. You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender.' This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'. You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship. How interesting it is when a conversation between you and a friend suddenly gives you something to write about. Say, I was in the middle of moshimonster-ing (coined from habitual playing of moshimonsters) when a window suddenly popped in my screen. A good friend asked me how many quizzes we already had in Literature and told me how worried he was for not passing any. I didn’t pass any quiz in Lit either, so our talk went like this: Friend: wala kasing ginawa kundi manlalaki haha.
Me: di bale masaya naman eh (laughing icon)
Friend: korek! HAHAHA
Me: aanhin mo ang grade kung hindi ka naman madidiligan??
Friend: hahahaha!!! aanhin mo naman ang pagpasa, kung wala ka namang pinagnanasahan?
Me: aanhin mo ang degree kung wala ka naman experience?? hahahahahha!!!
Friend: hahahahaha!! yeah! experience is the BEST teacher
Me: haha tama tama. pwedeng i-dahilan sa magulang!
Friend: yeah! Hahaha Aside from the superfluous haha’s we kept on throwing at each other, isn't it quite obvious that we are in deep glacial “drought?” Ok so the quoted word is getting more exposure as expected, but consider this as my way of knocking to the heavens to send someone down here with wings sans the horns and pitchfork! Haha!! :D **
The author is enjoying the art of stalking which she learned from her good friend-slash-manhunter M.A. Oh the joys of it, no wonder why it's addictive! But it’s not like I’m going to tell everyone and freak them out, though. :D Note: repost from Joseinne. Talagang pinatay ko muna ung player ko ng 2 beses para maging FAIR. Pero mga cheesy na songs ung lumabas. Sana pala hindi ko na ginawa un. ugh. Here are the rules: Put your iTunes on shuffle.
For each question, press the next button to get your answer
YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
Tag at least 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from. 1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
-- Let me love you down by INOJ (“it never really mattered too much for me…” erkz.) 2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
-- Twenty years by Augustana (tamang tama. birthday ko na sa April 25.) 3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
-- Firewoman by Barbie Almalbis (butch? baka Fireman. Hehe) 4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
-- I need you by Leann Rymes (halatang tigang. ack!) 5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
-- Every first second by Up Dharma Down (point taken) 6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
-- Blind by Lifehouse (watev. not my definition of love either) 7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU
-- My sacrifice by Creed (true! wala na silang choice. Hahaha) 8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
-- Goodbye my friend by Spice Girls (aww.. graduation? “no no no noOo…”) 9) WHAT IS 2+2?
-- Just a smile by Barbie Almalbis (eyng?) 10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
-- Harana by Parokya ni Edgar (boo. dapat “halaga” nalang. naks!) 11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
-- I guess you’re right by The Posies (I guess you’re Mr. Right!) 12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
-- Break your heart by Get set go (aray.) 13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
-- Unbelievable by Craig David (no!) 14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
-- We give in sometimes by Up Dharma Down (hahaha!! enough said) 15) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
-- Round round by Sugababes (groovy!) 16) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
-- Pag-alis by Barbie Almalbis (aww..) 17) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
-- I’m with you by Avril Lavigne (boo!) 18) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
-- At your side by The Corrs (boo 2x!) 19) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
-- Salamat by The Dawn (salamat, tunay kong kaibigaaaHaaAan…) 20) WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN
-- Little too late by Jojo (oo nga naman.) 21) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
-- Tabing ilog by Barbie Almalbis (at least hindi morbid) 22) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
-- Lost by Michael Buble (“can’t believe it’s over, I watched the whole thing fall..”) 23) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
-- Wouldn’t it be nice (from Cadbury chocolate’s commercial jingle) haha!! Naalala ko nung 2nd year, tinawag para mag-recite si Jeric ni Sir Mabahague tapos nag-ring bigla ung phone niya, ito ung ring tone!! “wouldn’t it be nice!” hahaha!! 24) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
-- You’ll be safe here by Rivermaya (o_O?) 25) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
-- Don’t say goodbye, say goodnight by Binoculars (o_O? again) 26) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
-- Till they take my heart away by Claire Marlowe (bakit ang cheesy ng mga lumalabas? It’s not supposed to be like this!!) 27) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
-- Panalangin by Moonstar 88 (haha asaness. isa pa ‘toh.) 28) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
-- The world is our playground and we will always be home by Up Dharma Down (this is how I want the world to be) 29) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
-- Unspoken definites by Up Dharma Down (gets.) 30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS NOTE AS?
-- Love will show you everything by Jennifer Love Hewitt (ang cheeeeeeeeeeeeesssssyyyyyyyyy wtf!!)
So this is how it feels like when your dog, or cat, or any non-human creature that you used to take care of died. In my case, a hamster. Once alive, running around the wheel and munching sunflower seeds, my Mik-Mik already passed away as her new owner, Joycee, said in her blog titled “ambiguity of the D.” I was transcribing an interview when I browsed the web and stumbled upon Joycee’s multiply. At first, I thought she was just being reflective of death and all, until suddenly, she broke the news of OUR hamster’s death. Joycee said that her dad buried the hamster in a nice box in their garden(?). I bought Mik-Mik months ago from Joseinne’s friend for a Psychology experiment. I could still remember the first time I saw Mik-Mik inside the shoe box along with her three furry sibs— she was just there, the darkest fur curled like a ball, while others were of nicer color and very hyperactive. These attracted my group mates to immediately adopt them. I, initially uninterested, was left with no choice but to adopt the one left. But it didn’t take me long to finally love my new pet. Mik-Mik was behave, gentle, and, uhm, furry. She didn’t give me any problems except that she was nocturnal and won’t run in the wheel if I wanted her to. But it was forgivable, even if she tried to bite me and failed. I just miss her four little feet whenever I let her run on my arms or her zeal when I give her sunflower seeds. I gave Mik-Mik to Joycee after the experiment along with the cage that I borrowed from her. I thought it was just the right thing to do since Joycee has this inherent affection for animals. She could be a better guardian. I think she is a better guardian. Joycee gave Mik-Mik a new name, thus a new start of their pet-and-owner relationship. Mik-Mik’s death is only a course of nature and no one is to be blamed. I believe that she was not neglected in any way but was earnestly fed and take cared of. My first hamster just died, the first of its kind that depended and trusted me for its life even for just a short period of time. Death is such a devastating thing that could happen to anyone and anything, anytime. This just makes me a bit sentimental and sad. I don’t know if I’ll ever get another pet to take care of, but if I do, I know that I’ll be a better owner. I have literally spoiled the whole day making fun of the long-waited DSL connection. Sorry naman ah, I've waited to have one since it came out in the market. Call it excitement, because I can't wait to watch gazillion of videos out there plus the up-to-sawa download of my favorite songs. I know soon enough magsasawa rin ako but as long as the itch is still there, well, OL muna :D But with these, looks like I have to put slothing around on a halt:
-- Do Art App essay about Frida Kahlo
-- Read Art App selection (2)
-- Study for Lit (yes, I will. Kahit walang kwenta ang prof dito. I like classics, err, in a simplified way)
-- Read newspaper/RD (kahit isang feature lang) **
Yesterday was sO interesting. Yung isang group sa Filipino class namin ay nagreport in a game show format-- Singing Bee that is. Then I was chosen as one of the contestants. Saya!! The contestants and I had to fill the missing lyrics of the songs. As we progressed, others were eliminated. However, I was fortunate enough to reach the finals and won! I don't know if I should be delighted bythe fact that I got there because I was able to sing the last few lines of Jolina's Chuva chu chu (Labs kita, forever I will love you!) and people bursted in laughter, thank you. So ako, parang, ok.. laugh, at least I earned a point. If being a Jolina "fan" means victory, so be it! And then I shared the victory with Tei kasi nag-tie kami at dahil wala nang time para mag-eliminate pa. Yung pink fairy nga pala na nakasabit sa bulletin ng feature section, napanalunan ko un FYI :D **
Lesson learned from the recently-concluded Ustetika: Ask the guests if they are vegetarians so as to save some people from unnecessary pains. Mom and I just started our pre-Christmas shopping "saga" by brushing the busy streets of Divisoria. Got there at 11 something. Mejo konti pa tao nun so nakapamili ako ng mga damit =) But come lunch time, hindi na mahulugang karayom ang DV! Yung mga prices, negotiable pa naman sa mga tindera kasi November pa lang naman, one reason kaya namili na kami agad. Pero pag December na, sky-rocket na sa taas ang mga presyo, lalo na kapag nagpapanic buying ang mga tao. (Kaya mamili na kayo habang maaga). Mejo paranoid nga ang mom ko nung nasa bahay pa lang kami. She saw earlier on TV that shoppers are advised to put masks on so as not to catch any cold from the unhygienic people na super bahing without covering their mouth. And mom did just what the TV said, but I preferred to use a hanky nalang. Nung nasa DV na kami, todo cover si mother with the mask. Buti hindi nagfreak-out ang mga tao sa kanya. Pero along the way, tinanggal niya na rin. Haha told you so, ma! Mainit. madumi. siksikan. magulo. maingay. traffic. insert whatever adjective you can think of. Pero susuungin pa rin ng mga tao (including mom and I) ang mga yun kasi mura ang mga bilihin. Actually, mas magaganda pa ung ibang items dun compare sa mga nasa mall. Ano pa ba? Basta ayon, siguro naman nakapunta na rin kayo sa DV kaya hindi ko na kailangang i-elaborate pa na may mga mandurukot, mahal ang singil ng pedicab, pahirapang sumakay pauwi etc.. Basta mamili na kayo habang maaga pa kasi sobrang chaotic na dun kapag December na. Enjoy shopping! =) I posted an entry here yesterday about how I badly wanted to get myself off the straight jacket so that I could fully express myself while blogging regardless of how bad my grammar would be. In short, magta-Tagalog nalang ako. The title was supposed to be: sino ba'ng nagsabing hindi ako pwedeng mag-Tagalog? Screw multiply. Screw our PC. I typed the entry for hours that I even procrastinated revising my article just for that trigger-happy post. Screw you Multiply!! Kung kailan gusto ko na ng transformation sa blog ko eh tsaka ka naman pumalpak!! Grr.. Anyway, I've said it. Pol Dy quiz kanina. I depended so much on the leakage from the other class that I memorized definitions word-for-word. Pero ok naman ung mga sagot ko, and hypothetically I was supposed to have my shining moment na. Kaso pina-recite sa 'kin ng prof ung part na mejo mali ung sagot ko so semplang! With matching "sayang naman ung assesment ko sa'yo Pauyo.." sayang talaga! May weird kaming classmate. I suppose you already know who she is. She is seated behind me. Always raising her hand as if she she sknows everything when in fact, re-take naman niya ung subject. She squirms whenever she does that. Haha wala lang =) I feel so sabaw. I'm working on my article for this month's issue and I can't come up of a good lead, because, as I've said, I feel so sabaw. Maybe my head still has not resumed to burn some "intellectual calories" yet since I just came back from the three-day 'V' mid-year planning in Grande Island, Subic yesterday. It was a great place, nice beach, rooms, and lotsa yummy food! We had a retreat first with 'V's resident priest, Fr. Nick, in the afternoon then swam the night away with the fellow staffers. We began the 'V' business the following day and tackled the rest of the extra-editorial activities for the rest of the academic year. But before the official business came to a close, the incoming staff, including me, was suddenly told not to TALK to anyone. If anyone was caught, the whole newbies were subjected to punishment. The initiation, a rite of passage for incoming 'V' staffers, finally came right there. The idea of being able not to talk was torture-- how could they forfeit my right to freedom of speech and expression? Ok, before I become an activist of sorts here, I can't help but kind of hate everyone for making me not talk! (Sorry guys!) I was deadpan the whole time and I could not smile genuinely because of my mute disposition, not to mention the homophobic scene that made everything worse. But as they say, it's just part of being a staffer and EVERYONE went through it, including the advisers. I was like, "Ok, I'm not the only one suffering here. Everyone did the same thing so why can't I?" But still, it was very uneasy! Haha.. The night was long enough to make the newbies feel uncomfortable. No one was obviously enjoying the moment since we kind of had the idea that there's something *bleep! ahead of us. There were 21 of us breaking a cold sweat in our seats and wished nothing but to fast-forward the night and get over with it. But time managed to run in a turtle pace despite its eternal race and one by one, we went through the initiation. I came in last which means I had the longest moment of "torture." But I survived, and I think my "act" was ok. =) So there, I'm now a pure-blooded 'V' staffer, and I just became part of the fellowship. But as Sir Lito said, the rigors of coming up with quality articles every month is our continuous initiation to prove ourselves worthy of being called a 'V' staffer. But I guess the initiation is not over yet because in the midst of writing my article, I feel so sabaw! --
Multiply went nuts few days ago that it failed to publish this uber-long pre-vacay post. so here it is: Hey folks! I'm here again. I just packed my bags and all my thingies for the three-day mid-year planning tomorrow at Grande Island, Subic. Yes, my diligence in packing only shows how excited I am but ironically, I'm feeling weirder by the moment. Do you know that feeling of getting all things prepared for tomorrow, as if your preparing them for good? And when I mean "for good," it's as if you're doing it for the last time, like you're (or I'm) about to die. EARIEEE. I'm getting more and more paranoid of the idea that I'm being nicer to my dad and sis, that my alter-ego would suddenly converse that maybe it's because I'm going to miss them for four days I'll be gone but my mind slurs I'm going to miss them FOREVER. I also notice it with the way I arrange things in the house as if I wanted to leave the house clean before I go. No! This can't be! I believe that people who are about to die unconsciously do things to prepare for their death but here I am, fully aware of what I'm doing and yet feels so f*cking paranoid. I even think that this is the last time I'm going to update my blog or check my mail. I'm going nuts! I haven't done anything I wanted to do yet! I still haven't lost any weight, so I can't freaking die!!! **
Mom just had her 50th birthday yesterday at Causeway Seafood Restaurant along Timog Avenue. It was just an intimate dinner with close relatives sans the seafood in the food serving, but little do I know it would be my first time to eat a mongo-less buchi-- a round Chinese appetizer made up of rice flour and sesame seeds with a filling inside, either of monggo, ube, or whatnot. I was talking to my cousin while enjoying a helpful serving of buchi on the round table. I picked one through a toothpick stuck to it and took a small bite. *Bite. Just rice flour. I thought maybe I should bite more to taste the monggo filling. *Bite. Zilch, rice flour again! I childishly told everyone that I just bit into a monggo-less buchi and they laughed! The waiter suddenly zoomed into the picture and rescued the half-bitten buchi from further humiliation and promised me he'd replace it with another one, this time with filling. And it happened, but it never tasted the same. When we headed home, my sister told me that when the waiter brought the appetizer to the kitchen, his fellow kitchen-men bursted into laughter when they daw the half-bitten monggo-less buchi! **
Inkblots, 'V's flagship extra-editorial activity, is over but it was a pleasant experience indeed. Hosting before a large number of people branching from the different regions of the archipelago was incredibly awesome but quite nerve-wracking, not to mention introducing before them media giants who etched history in the industry. Funny thing was that, fellows remembered me so much that one of them even asked for a 'V' lanyard which is exclusive only to the staff. fellow: Sarah, I'm really eyeing your Varsitarian lanyard. I was wondering maybe you could give me one.
me: I'm sorry, but it's only exclusive to the staff. (smiles apologetically)
fellow: Is there anything else you could give me?
me: (thinks) Uhmm.. I don't know if I could still give you something else than the one we gave to other fellows.
fellow: So where could I get one?
me: (thinks again) If you want, you can enroll in UST and join V, then we'll give you one! I've also bounced into different committees of the event which gave me the slightest idea how the whole thing was pulled off. Initially, the event had to be promoted by the publicity committee by sending out press releases to dailies, fliers and back issues of 'V' to the provinces and to other Manila-based schools. There were also the K.I.S.S. script for the program plus the adjustments to the flow of the event, the registration for parallel sessions (mine is broadcast journalism) where the list got filled up in a jiffy, and the food committee which made only a small difference with the logistics committee (lifting tools for the event). It was very exhausting but fulfilling at the same time since it was a huge success despite the "glitches" mandated by nature. Inkblots also had fireworks at the grandstand and performers who graced the night: 6 Cycle Mind, Myruz(?), Urbandub, and Hale. The staff and I served as a human barricade to keep the crowd from going nearer the stage which I enjoyed very much since I had Champ all by myself, virtually! ü *this blogging thing proved to be therapeutic. I don't feel like dying anymore!
Here I am in a downpour of middle school angst. I neither miss high school nor grade school, save for the fact that those times were less stressful and challenging. And yet I suddenly surrender to this angst like a press-to-play robot without giving much thought to just simply resent the idea. If not for the Who’s viewed me thingy in Friendster arousing curiosity, I might have just disconnected from the net and called it a day. There's this one friend that I saw from the list of those who recently viewed my site and clicked up her account. It’s not just the curiosity that made me follow the virtual trail to her site but the intriguing headshot that swept me off my feet. My childhood girl friend has turned into a charming bombshell! I browsed for more of her photos, clicking one album after the other. I was breathless throughout the attempt of catching up with the goings on in her life, the hairstyles she’s been sporting on, her Nursing misadventures, and the groupies she hangs out with and their modish fashion sense. I never thought that she would turn out to be this cool, chic, and, I hate to say this, GORGEOUS. She and I were good friends back in middle school and quite a pair. Since our surnames followed each other alphabetically, we always sat next to each other in class. Both of us also did well in school that we always compared grades. She was also a consistent partner come group projects and field trips. One classmate even made us stand behind each other to compare who’s taller, fairer, and other sorts of comparisons to tell the chic from chick. But never there was a rift that torn us apart, a thing we both benefitted for not calling ourselves as “bestfriends.” And there she is, all perked up and pretty. Her hazel eyes that our classmates used to pun as “bumbay” greatly strengthened her features plus her already given pretty face. Her hair was in full volume now and had gained identity from curly to wavy, and now, straight. Her bangs bounced softly like her bubbly personality and the dress flattered her slimmer shape which I’ve been dying to have. How could she transform like this? This is the queue where I blame life for being f*cking unfair. In fact, this is not the first time that I saw an old friend transform from an ugly duckling into a dazzling swan. But knowing that she used to be someone less conscious of herself (or less kikay than me) back then, galvanized by her come-of-age look now, I can’t help but absorb every emotional junction of this pleasant (and bitter) surprise. How come my time to shine hasn’t come yet?  | pause | Oct 8, '08 6:54 AM
for everyone |
Prinz, Andrew, Dane, and I had dinner at McDonald’s Carpark before resuming to our academic duties. Dane left afterwards and the three of us went back to the office. On our way there, I was flabbergasted to see golden lights illuminating the pavilions in front of the St. Raymund’s Building. Why was that so?
I saw a colleague and stopped by to say hi. I pointed the lights and emphasized its sudden installment. We were both surprised much more when he told me that the illumination was due to the “prostitution” going on in that spot. Really? It reached to that state? What I knew of was that it was a hotspot for lovers to take advantage of the dark and express each other’s tactile desires. Hmmmm... | |
